Lost and Found
by Fififelicity
Summary: Everyone lost something, but only Rikku has little to show for it. Instead she struggles to ignore the growing feelings inside her for the red clad guardian who departed so long ago. Some FFX2 references. AURIKKU you have been warned!


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Final Fantasy.

Warning: Aurikku!

**Lost and Found**

Rikku hadn't realised at the time how deep her feelings were. At first, when the Calm came, there had been Yuna to comfort. Yuna whose heart had broken right there in front of them all as her dream disappeared over the side of the airship. But then as her tears had slowly dried, and she had become sorrowful but stronger, Rikku had refused to acknowledge the emptiness that she herself was feeling. She had told herself she was being silly, just adjusting to life now it was all over. She almost convinced herself that the sense of loss she felt was because their adventures were over and she threw herself into helping to rebuild Home, telling herself she just needed to be busy, to learn to live on.

Then they had found the sphere. Suddenly, she had a new adventure on her doorstep, as well as a chance to make her cousin happy again. They travelled Spira once more, fighting the bad guys and enjoying the new quest, but something still didn't feel right. Perhaps she should have realised then, when her new travels around Spira did not fill the hole inside her. She watched as Yuna still showed devotion to her missing knight, and perhaps she should have explored further those hidden feelings of a similar grief. Instead she tried repeatedly to divert her attention elsewhere, trying to reignite inside herself long lost feelings for an old flame.

Gippal was still as handsome, maddening and flirtatious as he had been once upon a time when he had set her heart on fire. But even she, queen of denial, could not pretend for long that that flame was anything more than embers now. Something else burned inside her in its place, something stronger. But she still could not face the reality of that new passion. She continued to ignore it, convincing herself that she had simply got more mature and had grown out of her childhood crush.

It became harder and harder though to ignore the maelstrom of feelings locked inside her. They vented themselves through every means possible; through dreams she passed of as random, meaningless fantasies, through unexplained feelings of sadness at the sight of a bottle of Sake, through the unmistakeable red coat and sword of her samurai dress sphere.

Dimly she knew what her heart was telling her, but she refused to delve further. It would be too painful; painful and pointless. She had locked those feelings away on the day their subject had exploded into pyre flies in front of her eyes. They were memories that she couldn't examine, and that would not provide solace, just a reminder of what she couldn't have.

She could not help but let them flood her however on the day that Tidus came back. Yuna was so happy; her dreams restored, her love returned, her memories happy again. Wakka and Lulu had welcomed him back, united as a couple, smiling and waving happily, finally moving on from the loss of Chappu. Kimahri had long since had his lost tribe returned to him, whilst Paine had regained lost friends. She was the only one who had not regained what was lost. Instead her feelings of grief were growing rapidly inside her. She could no longer deny her feelings as those around her were so happy and full of joy. She finally had to admit to herself that the deep hole inside herself was not a desire for adventure, or sympathy for the feelings of her cousin and those around her. Rikku had lost her love before she had even realised she had it, before she had even known if it was returned.

The thought of this expanded in her until she felt almost choked by it. Two years of suppressed grief surged through her as she acknowledged what in reality she had known all along. She had loved him, that stern, grumpy, grizzled warrior. She didn't know when or why or even how she had come to love someone so different from herself. But it was undeniable, and at night she cried silent tears for him, wishing he could come back to her but all the while knowing it was futile. Just as Yuna had stood on the docks at Luca whistling desperately for days, Rikku now found herself calling to him desperately inside her mind. She didn't even know whether he had felt anything for her. He had given her no sign.

Or perhaps, on reflection, he had. He had been the one who had stayed close to her in the thunder plains, despite his vocal intolerance of her fears. He had been the one to tolerate her jokes and pranks, no matter how often she played them. He had been the one to lend her his jacket when her desert clothing had proven too thin for the brutal Gagazet winds. He had been the one who had looked out for her, always there to offer a silent but supportive hand when she was unsteady or in need of help. Her mind went over and over each precious memory, convincing herself that the signs were there, and then cursing herself for even considering that he could be interested in her. And then her anger at herself returned to grief as she remembered that it didn't matter anyway because he was gone.

She tore herself up in her internal struggle, battling heart versus head over her impossible desires and unlikely conclusions. He had been taken from her too soon, before she had known to ask. She remembered then that he hadn't been _taken_ at all, but that he had gone willingly. It had been he who chose that moment to leave them, to leave her. Had he known the torment he was inflicting on her? These thoughts made her almost burst with passion as anger and love coursed through her in her confusion.

She spent days, weeks, even months enduring the unending pain of her grief and bewilderment. Her thoughts remained unvoiced to anyone, however. To the world she presented her sunny smile and carefree attitude; the same old bubbly Rikku. But she knew her double life would not last; her act was not perfect and the others would notice in the end. She couldn't face the idea of telling them the feelings pent up inside her. Would they even understand? She had had to do something, even if it was something she had vowed never to do.

And that was how she had ended up here. She had fought in this field of flowers once, but standing here on the platform surrounded by clouds and pyre flies seemed much more sombre, more formal, like the inside of a temple. Her footsteps echoed of the far off cliffs as she walked slowly towards the edge of the platform. She had barely reached it when the pyreflies began to dance in front of her and his form materialised, those pretty, haunting lights instantly picking up the desire which had lain dormant inside her for so long. He floated before her, red coat flapping in some invisible wind, face set in his usual impassive stare. Although she had been taught this was just an image, a mirage concocted by the mysterious pyreflies, she was still struck with a sudden shyness. Before her stood the man she had longed to see again, and for the first time in many years she found herself lost for words. How could she begin to tell him the secrets of her heart? He may not be able to respond, but who was to say he wouldn't hear?

"Um, hey there!" she waved a hand timidly at the figure, cocking her head to one side, "betcha didn't expect to see me here, huh?" She searched around for a safe topic, something with which she could begin this one way dialogue with the dead.

"So, I came to tell you how everyone's doing, figured you might be a bit out of the loop, floating around here all day…" She gazed around at the beautiful surroundings and sighed slightly.

"Well anyhow, Kimahri's busy doing the serious thing. I think sometimes he even does it better than you, even for all you're silly ideas about responsibility and all you're grumpy silences. He still doesn't speak too much, but he's always happy when Yuna goes to visit him. He seems to like being on Gagazet with his people, and they like him being there so I guess that's all good."

"Erm, who next? Wakka! Well Wakka is still Wakka. Bumbling around like he usually does, getting himself into trouble with people, only now he tends to get little Vidina in trouble too. Well he does when Lulu isn't looking. She pretends to get mad at him when he says stupid things, but we know she isn't angry really. Did you realise about those two back then? I know I was surprised when I realised later, but they're good for each other y'know? Lulu stops Wakka doing anything too stupid, and Wakka makes sure Lulu loosens up and has a little fun now and again. They make each other so happy. And little Vidina, he's their son, is the sweetest little kid. He's driving them both nuts, crawling all over the place when they aren't looking. The whole village looks out for him though so he doesn't get into too much trouble. I wonder what you would have thought of him. Probably grumbled at him, like you did with everyone else, but I know you'd love him really."

"Yunie and I saved the world again too" she said pumping her hand in the air in a little victory dance.

"You might have seen us running through here, although maybe you wouldn't have recognised Yuna. She's changed a lot, not to mention her fashion sense. A few girly shopping trips with yours truly saw to that! But she stands on her own two feet now, she's really grown up. I guess maybe I have too; I'm not the kid you knew. Although, I wasn't too much of a kid then either. But I learnt to be strong when we all travelled together. I think, maybe, I got some of that from you...

Anyway the two of us and Paine took on the big bad guys again, all on our own! And turns out, 'cause Yunie saved the world again she got Tidus back."

"He really misses you I can tell. I Guess you did kinda raise him for most of his life. He and Yuna are being all lovey-dovey at the moment, and I guess that's fair enough. But I bet he'll come see you real soon y'know? It's just the two of them are busy being inseparable. It's nice, seeing Yunie so happy again. I'm happy for them, I really am…it's just…" She looked at his image properly now, the glow gone from her spiralled eyes, replaced by an unmistakeable deep sadness.

"Why couldn't we have had that too?! I never even realised what was happening till it was too late y'know? You were gone so soon. Did you even know what I was feeling? Did you feel it too? Or was it all just my imagination?"

She started pacing up and down in front of him now, opening the floodgates wide and letting the torrent of emotions inside her flow freely.

"There are so many questions and there are no answers. I tried to hide everything, forget what I was feeling, but it just keeps growing. Growing and growing until I'm scared there won't be any me left. You must have known, but then if you did why didn't you warn me? Why let it happen when you knew you had to go? I never knew, not until the end when you floated away. I never got the chance to ask questions, to make you stay. I never got to tell you…" She stopped now, tears brimming in her eyes as she looked upon his impassive face, speaking in a soft whisper.

"I never told you I love you."

Before the tears could spill from her eyes she turned and ran from that beautiful, haunting place. From the distance a small child's figure watched the flight of the distressed young woman. He and all the other fayth knew that of all the heroes of Spira she was the only one who remained overlooked and unrewarded. She had risked just as much as the others, and yet had seen little compensation. The truth was, Rikku had been so adept at hiding her feelings and guarding herself that it had been impossible to discern what would provide her the most satisfaction. How could they allow her some happiness, some small part of the peace she had helped to bring to Spira, when they had no clue what she wanted? Now she had finally drawn back the curtain to her troubled heart.

Bahamut sighed. It was now obvious what could be done to grant her her well earned reward. But it was a complicated task, and he wanted guidance.

"You were watching?" he asked as the tall female figure of Shiva appeared beside him. The woman fayth nodded her head.

"It is a complicated problem," she agreed with his unspoken thoughts.

"Should we allow it?" He asked of his feminine council.

"I believe you must ask Lord Auron for his agreement before you can proceed. Her desire requires the consent of the soul in question."

Bahamut agreed with her sighing. The fayth retained the power to return a soul to the realms of the living, as they had shown with Tidus. Auron was not a pawn under their control however. They could open the way but he had to walk through the door. Tidus had gone all too happily, but the ex-guardian's feelings could not be counted on.

Surprisingly, however, he did not wait to be summoned. Already his spirit materialised at Bahamut's side. He had witnessed the appearance of Rikku, and had not been able to interact with her, only listen as she poured out the torment of her young heart. He had also been all too aware of the brief exchange between the fayths, and he was about to surprise them with his choice.

He had expected peace; a beauteous release when he had reached the farplane. He had thought his earthly worries and desires would abandon him as they became irrelevant to his existence. Instead he had felt unfulfilled - drawn painfully back to the land of the living. His restless mind constantly set upon one thing; the young but determined Al Bhed girl he had left behind.

Throughout the journey he had tried to guard his emotions, refusing to allow attachment to grow with any member of the group, knowing he must leave. But she had crept under his guard and had shown her true skills as a thief in the way she unknowingly stole his heart. He had not let on to her how he felt, knowing what he must do when their journey reached its close. Indeed he would not have known how to broach the subject; romance was not something he had even considered before. But he knew it was she who called him back to the world, and he knew that he must go. Bahamut could sense his determination with some surprise.

"You are willing?" he addressed him, to be sure. The Ronin showed a slight smile as he inclined his head. Bahamut nodded in satisfaction.

"Then it shall be done."

The faith raised his hand towards him and Auron felt his spirit become surrounded by a bright white healing light.

Rikku had hoped that her trip to the far plane would help to ease the pain. Instead she experienced the reverse, as she had surrendered her body to her emotions, no longer able to keep them repressed. She raced through Guadosalam and out onto the thunder plains, the storm ridden sky reflecting her turbulent emotions. She ran on through the driving rain and lightning bolts, not even flinching as they hit the ground around her. She had broken her fear of the plains years ago now, as part of her attempt to learn to stand on her own two feet. Fear had turned instead to a healthy respect for the dangers of the area, but now she discarded that too. She was running across the barren landscape with an almost suicidal wish. Let the lightning strike! Then at least the pain and grief would end, and she would see him again.

She ran, soaked to the skin, hardly feeling the cold sting of the rain or seeing the lightning. Only when she reached the sudden quiet and solitude of Macalania forest did she finally slow down, fatigue ultimately getting the better of her. She slowly staggered towards the glittering pool where they had fought the spherimorph so long ago now. Here she collapsed at the foot of one of the great sparkling trees, letting out her desperate angst filled sobs. The chilling cold crept up on her already drenched body, the freezing air numbing her and sapping her energy. She was shivering uncontrollably, but she no longer cared as unconsciousness claimed her. As she fell into a deep, cold fuelled sleep she dreamt of a shadowy figure moving around her, slipping amongst the trees. The figure seemed so familiar, but as she called out to it, the figure slipped silently away, despite her attempts to follow, leaving her all alone in the woods.

After a time she realised she was no longer as cold as she had been. As she warmed, feeling crept back into her limbs, and some of her energy returned. She opened her eyes slowly and glanced around her. Everything seemed just as peaceful and serene as before, the trees silently glittering around her. Only now a large red coat was wrapped around her, lending her warmth. All weariness rapidly departing she scrambled to her feet, her beaded braids clinking with the movement. She wasn't wearing her samurai dress sphere – it wasn't even with her. So where had the coat come from? She clasped it to her, stepping timidly away from the tree and searching the clearing once more, hardly daring to hope. A figure emerged from behind a tree to the side of her.

"You're awake," he spoke in a familiar gruff voice. He still wore the same black chest guard and trousers, but he was without his trademark red coat allowing his muscular arms to be on show. Her eyes travelled to that sweet familiar face, marked with a deep scar that only added to his appeal. She gasped, frozen in shock, staring at the apparition before her.

"Is it…really you?" she whispered across the deserted clearing. The man simply chuckled deeply to himself.

"But…but you were dead." Rikku stuttered, unable to let herself believe too easily.

"It seems the faith decided I was still needed here," he responded.

"But…why?"

"You know why, Rikku."

She had waited so long to hear him say her name again. She could restrain herself no longer, choosing to believe in this impossibility. She flew across the distance between them, flinging herself into his waiting arms, not caring what it would mean, just desperate to feel him against her. Tears poured down her cheeks as she burrowed into him. What she wasn't expecting was for those arms to close around her, holding her tight to his warm, very alive seeming, body. Nor did she expect to hear him whisper into her ear.

"I came back for you."

She pulled back to stare at him and he gazed into those familiar, tearful, swirled eyes. Perhaps it was the thrill of being alive again, or perhaps it was the fact that he had wanted this for so long, but he felt reckless and quite unlike himself. He could not stop himself leaning in and kissing those startled lips. He felt them part under his, her warm mouth letting him in. Then, unmistakeably, he felt her responding, kissing him back as he pulled her tight against him. They were lost in the moment, both of them clutching the other, desperate for this miracle to continue, holding each other when they had never thought they would.

"Are you back? For good?" she whispered to him softly, tear tracks still evident on her face. He nodded at her.

"I think your speech at the farplane convinced the fayth to let me stay," He replied.

She looked down at her feet, embarrassed.

"You heard that, huh?" she mumbled quietly.

"It was your words that brought me here Rikku. I'm grateful."

"I thought I would never get to speak to you again" she said, looking back up at him as fresh tears began to fall. "I thought I would never get to say those things to you…" His hand reached up to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Hush..." he spoke, as softly as he could, wanting to wipe away the suffering she had undergone because of him.

"It is not important now."

He held her close, kissing her softly, vowing there and then that he would be there for her whenever she needed him from now on. He would never desert his Al Bhed princess again. She knew that he was still Auron, would still be grumpy, and still have his secrets to hide. And he knew that she was still Rikku, and would probably still drive him crazy with her almost unending happiness. But this moment they would treasure always. The day their suffering came to an end. The day they found each other, and were no longer lost.

...THE END...

So what did you think? Too angsty? Or did you like it? Please let me know what you think. Was considering maybe adding an epilogue showing everyone elses reaction to his return? Let me know what you think.


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